Handling Stress

With a stress disorder, the stress-o-meter is permanently maxed out because the body must deal with past and present stress simultaneously. As shown in the image below, there's just not a lot of room for extra stress. (I'm not sure why PTSD is sandwiched between good and bad stress in this image... good and bad stress are both in the present, while PTSD deals with the past, so it seems like that should go in the cup first.) At times in my life when I've been in long-term stressful situations, my symptoms have increased. And earlier trauma may have made me more susceptible to developing CPTSD in the first place.

my cup runneth over

Since I didn't know what was wrong with me for so long, I would try to live a "normal" life (or even push myself to the limits) and didn't understand why things seemed so much harder for me than for other people. Now I have learned that I have to be a lot more careful with how much stress I allow in my life so that I don't burn out.

During periods when major life stressors were few and coping resources were many, I was able to make significant progress in recovery. I haven't struggled with self-harm or suicidal preoccupation in years. I don't depersonalize to nearly the extent I used to, and I have very little tolerance for toxic relationships. Flashbacks don't occur as often and are easier to manage. But while these symptoms have decreased, other symptoms have taken their place. Insomnia seems to be worsening, and over the past two years or so, fatigue has been creeping steadily into the foreground. (Insomnia and fatigue are not always included as direct symptoms of CPTSD, but they can result naturally from the other symptoms -- for example, hypervigilance is exhausting.) For about a week the fatigue was so bad, even insomnia couldn't take it, which was an odd relief. Some days I am too tired to do basic daily tasks like cooking. Some days (like today) I already need a nap before I even go to work in the morning. It's a downward spiral because the more the symptoms interfere with my life, the more they reduce my coping resources, and the fewer coping resources I have, the more my symptoms run wild. Right now my focus is on getting my energy back because I can't really do anything without it.