Every time there's a natural disaster or mass shooting or other terrible tragedy, I feel almost desensitized to it. Not really desensitized; it's more that I'm hyper-aware of every single danger in everyday life, so when something really bad happens it doesn't shock me like it seems to do to other people -- it's exactly what I'm expecting every day. I'm more surprised when bad things don't happen, and I always feel like I've only barely escaped them and there's still tomorrow and there is no safety.
In fact, in times of tragedy, I feel a sense of relief or... like the universe is finally aligned to my experience of reality because now everyone else feels how I feel every day, notices what I notice every day, is sobered into awareness like I am all the time... every time the sun forces its blinding light into my eyes without my consent, every time the phone screams at me its sudden demands. Those everyday things put me on high alert already.
CPTSD can change sufferers' worldviews so that they expect hostility even when it makes no sense. Sometimes I find my mouth offering profuse apologies over trivial matters (things that don't require apologies, things that I'm not even responsible for, etc.) because I expect that I have to appease seemingly kind and reasonable people before they randomly and abruptly turn on me. I'm surprised when everyone I meet doesn't turn out to be a mass shooter.
