Improvement!

I'm happy to report that I've been doing much better! During these past two years of chronic fatigue, it has not been uncommon for my energy levels to fluctuate somewhat. Occasionally I would even have a streak of two whole days when, for whatever reason, I felt normal... but then, for whatever reason, I would be back to exhausted again. I was always at the mercy of my health (or lack thereof) and it was always unpredictable. But about a month ago, the fatigue disappeared almost overnight and hasn't come back!

For such drastic change, an obvious explanation is surprisingly absent. Was the EMDR therapy successful? Is Vitamin D that powerful? Was it supernatural healing? Was it a combination of factors? The only thing I can put my finger on that seemed to shift something for me was reading Van der Kolk (of course) on what actually works to heal the effects of trauma (and what doesn't work). He explains that while the rational brain expresses itself in thoughts, the emotional brain expresses itself physically. So while you can rationally understand your feelings, you can't think your way out of them. No wonder I wasn't getting anywhere! I had done some research on neuroplasticity and was always trying to practice positive thinking in order to rewire my brain. And while I'm sure positive thinking beats negative thinking (in the way that a bandage helps more than reopening a wound), what Van der Kolk is saying is that telling yourself nice things isn't effective in the long term because even if your mind believes you, your body doesn't! You must first convince your body that you are safe. This can be achieved through EMDR, yoga, martial arts -- anything that helps one reinhabit and take control of their own body, ideally with healthy social support.

In the past when I've had energy, I would take on too much (which I now recognize as flight mode) and burn out, which I'm sure is why my body shut down. Even though I'm glad to have my life back, I have learned that my health is not something I was forced to focus on temporarily in order to get back to flight mode... it's something I need to continue to prioritize. So I'm glad I'm able to work thirty hours now, but I'm not going to push it to forty yet. I'm going to serve in church again, but monthly instead of weekly. Now that I have my energy back, I'm putting it towards establishing healthy habits like meditation and yoga instead of wearing myself out. My next area of focus will be sleep.

Now that I am better understanding my body and what it needs, I feel more in control of my health. If my symptoms flare up again, I will be more equipped to treat them instead of being debilitated. I'll probably not post as often anymore, but I plan to update this blog as long as I have things to say. Thanks for reading.